Friday

we dont school on Fridays this is the first year trying this but since we're going year round now i decided that it was ok to take Friday's off too.We just started this about a month ago.I had asked J about it the beginning of the school year since we never know if the boys are going with him to work on Fridays so he can take them to the meeting place on the weekends they go to moms or if J's mom is going to come get them after work.He had said he didnt think we needed to but then they were still missing every other Friday and i'd get cranky because i would have things planned for school and it'd put us behind.Some people might say well thats why you homeschool though to go at your own pace and you're right but i still keep a schedule of things i want to accomplish over the month.When we'd miss friday's after fridays it would make me cranky and so i decided that this was one area i DID have control over so i changed it.:)

The kids played outside most of the day yesterday.We're suppose to be getting like feet of snow this week.blech i hate snow.Yesterday was that warm day you know you get before it starts to snow so the kids took advantage of it.Our frends had dropped off a new play set for the younger kids and Holly loves it although she asked me
"mommy what about if junior or jacob want to use it" I assured her that Manny and Patty knew she would get more use out of it then the boys and thats why they gave it to us.I love how compassionate she is though even at a mere 4 years old.All of my kids are like that and it's a quality i'm very proud of them for having

While enjoying the silence inside my house i took a second to write out the Christmas letter i'll send to my family.I ended up in tears on the phone with my mom.I had been writing descriptions about each kid and what they've been up to something positive about their characters and when i got to Andrew there wasnt a whole lot i could say i wrote

Andrew is 7 and growing up and maturing a bit more each day.We have had our struggles,me and him,He is a very hurt boy and needs lots of love which somedays i just dont think is even enough.It makes me very sad but i will not give up on him and i know someday he'll realize why things turned out the way they did.He still loves his stuffed animals and is constantly building things.

I just kept reading and re reading it and feeling sadder and sadder.I've always been extremly open with my family.I know my family loves me no matter what i've done(and trust me i've done some bad things in my lifetime)They want the best for me and my children and i didnt want them to just think that things between me and all my kids were rosey and beautiful.I want them to keep Andrew in his prayers and to love him as much as i do.True i didnt write how at least monthly he on purpose hurts one of my kids and now has even turned on his brother.I didnt write that there are days i wish i could send just him to public school but i know home is the best place for him because in school he just sat there all day.But i also am struggling with feeling like I didnt honor him as well as i could've.I couldnt come up with much positive to say about him and it hurt.I was sad.I really struggle with this kid i lvoe him as my own and i know most of his behavior is not his fault.It is reprecussions from his mom walking out on him at 3 years old.It is(as one of my friends pointed out a couple weeks ago) due to the constant rejection he feels every other weekend when he goes to his mom's and his mom doesnt even spend time with him but lets their roomate take him to go do things instead of her herself spending time with him.Then he comes back home,that kind of rejection hurts is hard to handle and how can a 7 year old get grasp on that?It makes it harder when no one else in the family really seems to think anything is wrong with that and that Andrew will be fine and grow out of it.It is hard when he reminds me a lot of my adopted brother i grew up with.But as i said in my letter I love him and I will not give up on him.

So back to my Friday.I had my dr's apt at 3:15 and as i said in my last blog Lorraine my mil had said she would pick up the boys between 2:30-3:00.Me and li'l J were cracking jokes and making bets when she would actually show.I had already decided that if she wasnt here by 3 i would load up all of the kids and just take them with me no biggie she could meet me at the dr's.Well she called me at 2:55 to say she was still 10 minutes away.Now i dont know about some of you buut most dr's offices like you to show up about 10-15 minutes early.And i'm one of those people that just cannot be late no matter even if i try to be late i just cant!!SO i politley told her what i just typed and she said she'd be there in 10 minutes.Then she called back 10 minutes later and said if i was soooo worried about being late to just leave Andrew and Li'l J there at the house

I was like i cant do that.Now li'l J i could he is 11 and 10 minutes alone at the house he could handle but to leave Andrew there as well.Especially because i had just emptied his pockets of small toys he was sneaking to his moms(we have all agreed on a rule of no bringing toys back and forth because it just gets messy toys get lost,broken,and so forth)She told me just do it she was just around the corner.So i did.I hugged each kiddo and told them to stand by the window and that grandma would be here in a minute.She had told me to leave them outside but i'm thinking ok 2 kids sitting outside with no cars outfront....umm i dont think so!!SO as i was pulling away she was pulling up.i dont think i've ever driven that slowly down my street before.lol.

A few minutes later my phone rang and it was her.She said in a very mocking voice

"i have the boys they're safe"all i could think of was yeah i wonder how many toys Andrew pocketed as fast as he could and i wonder if they were someone elses.

I thanked her politely for picking up the boys and she said

"well werent you ever left alone in the 5th grade"

" i told her yes i was I was even taking the bus downtown by myself in the 5th grade but i would never leave Kenna or Andrew home alone"

Her response?"oh it makes them feel grown up.I just kind of laughed as i thought yeah grown up...um he's 7 he doesnt need to feel grown up and if feeling scared because he already deals with abandoment issues,or he steals things while i'm gone is feeling grown up i'm not ready for him to feel grown up yet.But then i thought back to when i first started dating Jerry in highschool....his younger brother uncle Dan was in 5th grade and yes left alone contantly.His mom was teaching in another city and only home on the weekends and dad worked and well Jerry was in highscool.This is just how this family does thing.Makes the kids grown ups before they really even need to be.Sigh it's hard when we have two different ways of raising kids and when it comes to my stepsons the grandma has more say so then i do.

Anyways i made it to my dr's apt and it was for a refill on my xanax.She refused to give it to me.She wants me to try another anti anxiety/depression medcine.This will be the 5th one i've tried in a year or two.She wants me to try Celexa.Ok i'll try it but like i told her i know the xanax helps.I have horrid panick attacks I always have even as a child.But of course she doesnt want to give me more because it has been known as an addictive drug.I told her I realize this but i dont abuse the drug,and even my mom has noticed a difference since i started taking it.I'm able to deal with the ex wife,the mother inlaw,just everything a lot better.I also told her i watch those shows where people are addicted to xanax and pop 3-4 at a time and i always tell J "i just could never see myself doing that i mean those drugs are there to help me in the times i need them 1) it would be a waste and 2) thats just stupid.But the dr didnt care......she suggested counsling again which i told her was a great idea and i was actually looking into but nobody had called me back yet.Also please someone tell me when am i gonna have time for counseling with 6 kids?SO yeah i kind of feel like my dr appoitnment was a bust.But i did come home and tried to call the guidance center again and actually got a real human this time who transfered me to scheduling which of course i got a voicemail and hopefully she'll call me on Monday.

I would love to go talk to a counselor have someone that would just listen to everything i was frustrated about.....maybe offer some insight.But the dr was liek well you need to set up healthy boundaries.I have i have set up the boundaries i have control over.The ex wife no longer has my phone number.I am no longer setting up how the boys get down to their moms(for the most part unless i have a dr's appointemnt like today) and yea i have set up the boundaries i can.But the other things i have no control over bother me and sometimes send me into a tailspin.So if i can got to someone and just talk to them about it...thats good.Now if i can find the time.

After my dr's appointement i was pretty much spent.I got the kiddos and me Mc Donalds and we came home.I snuggled up with Kenna under a blanket on the chair and the rest of the kids got their blankets and we watched Frosty and Frosty returns 2 of my most favortist shows EVER!!!!Then we watched the Flight before Christmas.If anyone else watched it let me know what you thought.

It was interesting because the reindeer in it did not know who his dad was only that he was on santa's team and when he did finally meet santa's team no one would step up and say he was his dad.All the time he had a squirrel father figure with him.When he did finally find out who his dad was he told the dad that it was ok he knew he had been scared of saying he had a son.....ugggggg.....then the little reindeer goes back to the squierrel because his "dad" had been with him all along.YES I CRIED like a big ol baby.I think partially because i was whiped out from the days events.The kids seemed to enjoy it but i wish i would've watched it first....i'm not sure if i would've let them watch it or not.My kids could handle it but yeah.....

So of course with everything going through my head i was wide awake at 3:30 this morning.so here i sit playing on the computer.J is going woodcutting today and taking Nathaniel with him for some one on one time.I think Nathaniel is needing some of it.

I'm hoping maybe today i will actually get to scan some pics of my friends and me from our school days.I've recently gotten in touch with a bunch of them on facebook and it would be fun to look through the photos i think!!

Playing around

I'm playing around with my page today since we dont have school.it will either be fun or frustrate me to no end!!!

But i though ti'd share a cute pic with you all before i totally screw up my board lol
These two always take the best pics together!!!i love them they're sooo cute!!

So what do you do with the kids when you're at the dr?

Papa gave me a call this pm(Jerry's dad) giving me a 10 minute warning before he stopped by.I dont mind it when he stops by but when MIL is in tow it's a whole dif story.It seems like shes always judging and criticizing and the rule in my house is if you dont have anything nice to say shut your mouth!!!:)

anyways so papa stopped by and brought popsicles for the kiddos!!!we were just finishing up dinner and it was perfect timing.I had made pumpkin chocolate chip bars also so the kiddos got 2 desserts woohoooo.Papa tried one of my bars and my ham and was really liking it i offered to make him a plate but he said mil was stopping by soon and they were going to dinner.oy vey quick prayer please let her be decent to me.

She did stop by and by god i almost fell over when she took a bite from my pumpkin bars(of course without asking)and said wow these are pretty good.i humbly said thank you and went on cleaning up dinner.Then we started discussing this weekend and the boys' way to get down to Phoenix(it's a moms weekend)Papa let mil know i had a dr's apt at 3:15 so she said she'd take the boys down and be here between 2:30-3:00 cool sounds good.Then i had to laugh at the next question
"Well what are you gonna do with the rest of the kids while you're at the drs?"
i sat there shocked for a minute then replied.
"the same thing i always do they come with me"it just still gets me how some people (especially Jerry'sfamily) cannot fathom me taking 6 kids out of the house to run errands.Should I get a babysitter everytime i go to the store or post office.Why would it be any different with a dr's appointment.I've taught my kids how to behave and the dr's staff here in this small town is great and they know my kids.(well everyone knows us)it's no biggie to leave them in the waiting area.I usually take Holly in with mei hate to leave Andrew out in the waiting room but because i'm on the meds due partially to dealing with the stepkids and the anxiety it can cause me(trust me more posts later on this)i cant take him in with me.

both parents looked at me like i was nuts lol.Well their my kids i'm responsible for them.So yeah what else should i do for a half hour appt?get a babysitter....not worth what it would cost!!!

in other news.Holly and i were outside today and she looked up and said
"MOM look at the moon!!!It's full and it's sooooo beautiful" what a vocabulary this 4 year old has then she says
"Darn it i cant see my shadow because of those clouds" teeheee well she kind of gets it.

and so you can get to know me better i was tagged by Erin over at OUR CRAZY WORLD so here you go

Thursday, December 11, 2008

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? paper

2. Real tree or Artificial? artificial i love having an arificial tree one less thing i need to worry about

3. When do you put up the tree? the weekend after Thanksgiving

4. Do you like eggnog? love it!!!!i wanna try and make some this year

5. Favorite gift received as a child?umm my big wheel,lets see my cabbage patch doll my uncle bought me
6. Hardest person to buy for? Jerry he's a hard man to buy for

7. Easiest person to buy for? Kenna

8. Do you have a nativity scene? no i dont but i hav a pretty winter village

39. Mail or email Christmas cards? i'm trying to get out mailed ones this year but i usually do email

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Socks!!!!yes my mom gave me 16 pairs of socks one year

11. Favorite Christmas Movie? Frost and Frosty returns!!!

12. When do you start shopping? i used to be done by august but now it's usually october

13. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? nope

14. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? mmmm i love it all turkey,hame,pumpkin pie!!!!

15. Lights on the tree? white

16. Favorite Christmas song? Let it snow(even though i hate the snow),What child is this,Jingle Bell Rock,Oh Come all ye faithful...i love them all really

17. Travel at Christmas or stay home? ha ha with this family i never know!!last year our plans changed 6 times in the 48 hours before Christmas EVE!!!no joke

18. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's?Donner,Dasher,Blitzen,Comet,Prancer,Dancer,Vixen,Cupid,and of course Rudolph(ok that took 8 times running through the song with Jerry and lots of laughing)

19. Angel on the tree top or a star? Nope

20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning

21. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? dealing with all the different places the kids will go or be and when we get them back and such.People make it harder then what it needs to be.

22. Favorite ornament theme or color? homemade Christmas tree the kids have made all the ornaments i love it
23. Favorite for Christmas dinner? The dessert!( i agree Erin) although my Uncle Bob makes a great Prime Rib dinner!!!

alright so now you know a little more about me lol.

Pajama Day

Holly requested a pj day last night and i said SURE why not!!I LOVE pj days i swear i get more done on days when we stay in our Pj's then when i get dressed.Plus the kids love being able to do school in their pj's and winter is the perfect time for that.

Yesterday we went to mail a package and we also dropped off snickerdoodles for our hard working postal workers in our nice small town.They seemed shocked it was very cute the kids were all excited Nathaniel and Li'l J made the cookies all on their own and they were very good!!!

The boys are giving their oral reports tonight Li'l J picked eye transplants and Nathaniel picked Nightblindess.I told them a minimum of 4 paragraphs.Li'l J of course went above and beyond while Nathaniel did the minimum 4 prargraphs.It's funny how they work.Nathaniel has the brains but half the time doesnt want to apply it Li'l J has the brains too but it sometimes gets the best of him because he gets cocky and then winds up shooting himself in the foot.Like with the long division we've been doing.He was like yeah i got this and rushed through it and didnt even do all the steps like he was suppose to.I can totally tell the difference between Li'l J who has been in public school his whole life and Nathaniel who has been homeschooled most of it knows to take his time and to work his hardest and it's ok if it takes awhile.Li'l J works his fastest and often his work becomes redundent.I think he's slowly getting it though.

So today we'll study tastebuds and wrap up for the week.Next week we'll be studying on fronteirsman which should be fun then we'll be off for Christmas break woohooo!!Tomorrow i'm hoping to hit the library.

So i'm off to correct their rough drafts.Sorry not a very exciting post.I'll post abit later with pics from our Christmas party!!

and as i promised.....drama

so last night Bruce called the kids.i felt bad because i missed the phonecall the first time.I was doing laundry and it seems like the last 3 times he's called he's had to call back later because we've been busy.Now some of you might say so what.....life gets busy he should deal with it.well last year about this time last year we were busy with things like 4-h and other things and when he would call if we didnt answer he would leave very nasty messages telling me that he better let him talk to the kids and that i cant keep him from the kids.I never tried to keep him from the kids and when i explained to him why we hadnt answered he had replied "well you know i call at a certain time every night you should have nothing scheduled then"ummmm ok buddy you tell your kids then thats why they cant do stuff at night.

anyways so he calls last night i miss the call i'm like ohhhh great as i go to check the voicemail there is a simple angry toned message
"i will call back in half an hour you better answer"

sigh ok whatever....i'm not the one that moved 4 states away with only one days notice.

so he calls Nathaniel answers all is right with the world.Till i walk past the dining room and notice Nathaniel BAWLING!!!Him Andrew and Lane had been playing a game of Life and were still playing while on the phone.I ask him what is wrong he gets out that he asked Andrew to wait a minute to trade him cards till he was off the phone.Well Andrew was just leaning over and taking his cards and ignoring him.Ummm Andrew is 7 Nathaniel is 9 they'renot babies they know when one of the exes is on the phone they need to be respectful.Yes it's nothing for Nathaniel to cry over but here he is trying to talk to his dad and Andrew is basically giving him a big screw you instead of waiting.

GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!So i;m sure Bruce is trying to figure out what in the world is going on and i'm just ticked by this point because i'm always on top of my kids when Shannon calls to talk to the boys about being quiet!!I yanked Andrew out of his chair and walked him into the bedroom to give him to Jerry.He tried lying saying Nathaniel said he wouldnt trade himI was like umm try again!!!!ughhhh i just get so sick of this.Plus last week he hurt Nathaniel because he was mad that he was winning a race and Andrew was loosing.I get that they're gonna fight but physically hurting someone is NOT OK!!!!

needless to say he got sent to bed plus another talking to this am

If it's this cold it really should snow

I was told we were suppose to get down to 16 last night. Yet there's no snow on the ground.But c'mon if its this cold it really should snow!!!

I guess for any newcomers to my little blogging world i should introduce you to my family!!But be warned it gets tricky and yes their will be a quiz afterwords!!!

This is me!!!i'm 31,and feeling at the prime of my life.I am obsessed with all things homeschooling.There's just something about teaching your kids to do something for the first time and them getting it.Plus i swear i have learned more homeschooling then i ever did growing up!!!

I also am obsessed with Ghosthunters,coffee, the color Grey,and well my kiddos they are fabulous!!I also love baking and cooking i do most of it from scratch which for some reason has earned me the nickname of the hippy in Jerry's family





This is my boyfriend Jerry yeah i know not the best pic but it shows his two loves.Cooking and playing online poker.He works for the family business repairing and selling appliances.I dont know how he does it.The job alone is stressful but then throw in working for family!!!AUGHHH!!!

Jerry and i dated in highschool then i moved away when i was 18.after i seperated from my husband i moved back down to phoenix az from Oregon about a month later i found him on myspace and well....the rest is hstory.





Here is Li'l J or little jerry as we call him.He's 11 I used to joke that hey at least i didt marry jerry because then i'm sure our frst born son would've been jerry the third.....funny how life turns out!!He's a fast learner and a very compassionate kid.He loves all things sports.and he's a die hard
Tennesee Titans fan!!!









This is my oldest Nathaniel he is 9 and a half.What to say about Nathaniel!!!!He has a lot of me in him.He's starting to get into sports but it doesnt rule his life(which is fine by me)He lovs his nintendo ds(whish we limit to only weekends) and umm yeah he refuses to let me cut his hair!!!!He is usually all smiles and i love that!!He is just my wonderful son









This is Andrew Jerry's 2nd son and my stepson.He is 7 soon to be 8.I lvoe this little boy but we defenatly have our struggles.He was only 3.5 when his mom walked out.As much as we butt heads i still love this little boy!!!!He loves animals and loves to play with K'nex and other things.He is my hardest to teach because honestly he just doesnt care.....poor little guy i hope someday he'll understand it all








This is my oldest daughter Kenna.She is also 7.She is a one of a kind girl thats for sure!!!I believe she is a very old soul.She loves to bake and cook likes to tinker with her sewing and is always up to some osrt of scrap.You'll always find her with a tiny little pieces of paper just in case she has a craft she ends up wanting to do it's soooo funny!This was our first pie crust either one of us had ever made.She was so proud of herself and i was too!!!









AND THIS!!!! is Lane!!!lol umm the picture says it all.He's the resident goofball!!He ust turned 6 and i can hardly believe it.He says he doesnt like school but once we get going he is the one asking the most questions.He loves playing outside and of course the latest obsession with Bakugan.And at 6 years old he still loves to snuggle with his momma.How can you resist that face?











Dont let this sweet face fool you!This is Holly!!She just turne 4 and her favorite past times include messing up her and Kennas room,tormenting the boys,and ransacking the kitchen for midnight snacks!!Yes she is a handful i believe there's a reason shes my last child and not my first!lol she;s smart too!!!i know she knows how to work the remote even though she wont let on that she does.In fact last week i went to sleep and the tv was on sci-fi when i woke up it was on Noggin....hmmShe keeps us constantly moving and sometime i have to remember she's 4 now not a little baby.



So folks this is my lovely bunch of coconuts.We've been a family for nearly 2.5 years now.It has its ups and downs as you'll read about but i love them no matter what!!!The boys go down to Phoenix to see their mom every other weekend,and my kids dad used to live in Phoenix also but last spring he packed up and moved to Idaho.He did come down a couple weeks ago and spent a week with them but that was the first time in almost a year

It's hard work being in a blended family and sometimes i feel like the evil stepmother in Cinderella.But i love my stepsons as much as my own biolgical children and cannot imagine my life without them in it!!


Now if anyone cane get all my kids names and ages correct i'll give you a cookie :)

our normal busy day

yes it was a normal busy day.i have switched back to using Konos with the kiddos and they seemed to have retained more in one week then they have the rest of the school year so far.We've been learning about the eye and interscopic vision...fun huh?actually it was we did a nice experiment on why we need two eyes by covering one eye and trying to play catch.THAT was fun!!!!Now this week we're onto the two older boys Nathaniel and Li'l J writing a report.Nathaniel picked night blindness and Li'l J picked eye transplants.Thursday night they'll be giving us an oral report.

The younger kids worked a little on alphabitizing words pertaining to senses.and we talked about the sense of touch as well.

Then we got to bake cookies!!I love baking with my kiddos.The older two boys made snicker doodles and me and the younger ones mad no bake oatmeal cookies YUMMMMM!!!!! I was able to get the pictures in the picture frames for the inlaw gifts,granparents, and then the 2 beautiful shots i got of Andrew and Li'l J both in seperate frames for their mom,shannon.Hopefully i can get them wrapped this weekend so the boys can take them down when they go this weekend.

Other then that it was just our regular busy day.I know kind of boring for a first post.Dont worry i promise lots of pics,lots of opinions.and lots of drama in the near future :)